Ache

He pulls me in, for a hug
just a hug

even though I would have

avoided it

if I could

His arms are strong

for a small man

and as I try to pull away

he holds me still

He puts his face into my neck

and I feel sick.

I want to disappear;

let the parts of me he took

disintegrate beneath his fingertips

Man, boy,

can't you see the fear in my eyes?

But his are windows into an empty room

reflecting only the things I do not wish to see

I tremble

and he laughs

I understand the dark voids in which girls hide.

___

Sometimes I wonder how people cannot read others.

How they cannot tell, even from a glance, whether they are ok.

If they are afraid; uncomfortable.

Do they sense it, and simply choose to ignore it?

Or are they blind to all except their desires?

I may never understand.

For now, I can only sit here, amongst the fields and the haystacks, and try to let the breeze wash away these heavy feelings.